December 19
Today is an anniversary I wish didn’t exist. It’s a day that changed me emotionally, one that tore my heart out and broke my faith. Seven years later, I’m still not over the death of my momma. She was a bright light in my life and the one person I could always talk to. There were no secrets between us, none. I not only lost my mother, I lost a soul mate.
I constantly struggle with the concept of how God could take someone so beautiful, so loving, and so deserving of a long, happy life. Before she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was already teetering towards agnosticism. But I still prayed. Prayed for my momma to get better, to survive this.
After she passed, I can’t tell you how many people said to me, “She’s in a better place” or “God needed another angel.” I don’t know if these statements are true, but what I do know is that my mom wanted to live. She wanted to be there for her children, to see us get married and have kids.
Now that I have a son missing her is so much harder to cope with. All I want is for my momma to walk through the front door and grab my little guy in a warm hug and hear her raucous laughter one more time. I know she would be so proud of me and delighted that I’ve gotten the courage to publish a novel. She would have read it at least 20 times already, more if I let her read my manuscripts. Romance was her absolute favorite genre.
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