❗WARNING❗
SPOILERS AHEAD
After a few minutes, she puts the wand down. I don’t need her to say it out loud. I’m already crying my lungs out. Theo holds me tightly, not saying a word. All I want to do is push him away, but I let him hold me. I hope he still loves me even though I can’t give him the horde of children he’s dreamed of.
Before leaving the doctor’s office, I am given a few options. I can take something that will help me pass the pregnancy tissue within hours. The nurse actually said pregnancy tissue, avoiding the word baby and even fetus, like I hadn’t been carrying a tiny human inside me for the past ten weeks. The second option is to wait it out, which could take a couple weeks. And the last option is to have a D&C.
My last miscarriage was painful because I had gotten an infection and needed to have an emergency D&C. The first one happened so early on in the pregnancy that I hadn’t even noticed when it happened. All of a sudden my nausea went away. An ultrasound confirmed the emptiness within.
This time, I don’t feel any pain physically. But I know that I don’t have the strength to carry a dead baby inside me so I choose option three. When Dr. Eldridge clears me to leave the examination room, I’m confused. She explains that I will have to schedule the procedure. There might be available appointments today. The most I would have to wait is a couple days.
“What if we have to wait a couple days? What will happen to Sadie? What about the baby?” Theo asks, holding me close beside him.
I wish Theo didn’t ask this question. The answer is not something I am ready to hear. If I pass the miscarried fetus before my procedure, it will be like I am having a heavy flow period. The doc tells me not to worry if I see large blood clots. And, likely, I won’t even see the fetus.
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